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Allison Larkin

Internationally Best-Selling Author

You are here: Home / TMI / It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear. . .

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear. . .

January 20, 2009 Filed Under: TMI

I woke up this morning with the absolute worst cramps (sorry if this is TMI). It was so bad that J had to take Stella for her walk because I could only manage to put on my jacket before lying down on Argo’s dog bed in the fetal position.

When J came back, we sat at the kitchen table with our coffee. J was reading feeds on his computer.

“I want a new uterus,” I told him. “You should order me one.”

“Okay,” he said, and typed uterusinto the Amazon search bar.

“Just books,” he said when the results came up. “And there’s a CD, Uterus & Human. Crap.” He looked at me. “This is really going to frack with my Amazon recommendations. ” He looked back down. “Yeah, see? Already. Friends, Season 4.”

10 Comments

Comments

  1. Ashley says

    January 20, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    That is just…GREAT.

    I love it. :) You guys sound like fun!

    (Uh, minus the cramps stuff. Sorry about that!)

    Reply
  2. The Modern Gal says

    January 20, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    Ha ha ha. That’s hilarious.

    Hope you feel better. I’m always looking for an opportunity to trade my body in for a newer model.

    Reply
  3. Mickey says

    January 21, 2009 at 2:53 am

    J! With the sense of humor!

    As if he could get by without one living with a writer and two dogs.

    Reply
  4. Reluctant Blogger says

    January 21, 2009 at 10:08 am

    haha yes that is funny.

    Hope the cramps have now passed. No fun at all.

    Reply
  5. Noelle says

    January 21, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    I wonder what the reviews are like for uteruses. “Predictable ending,” “thoroughly engaging,” “I’d like to go back there from time to time.”

    Reply
  6. Courtney says

    January 21, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    The One with Phoebe’s Uterus! I’m well-versed in Friends. I hope your uterus feels better.

    Reply
  7. K says

    January 22, 2009 at 12:27 am

    Hillarious. Nothing is too much information for me. I actually feel the same way today!

    Reply
  8. Allie says

    January 23, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    Ashley – Thanks. We have a good time together.

    MG – I do feel better. If you find a good deal on a newer model, let me know.

    Mickey – A sense of humor and the patience of a saint.

    RB – Much better now. You’re so right – no fun at all.

    Noelle – You crack me up! That is way too funny!

    Courtney – The One with Phoebe’s Uterus – that’s great!

    Reply
  9. Chile says

    January 23, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    In a weird bit of synchronicity, we just watched “Shrimp on the Barbie.” One of the minor characters is the same minor character from Mannequin: the annoying gal with the long dark hair that tried to “kill” the mannequin. It doesn’t stop there, we also just watched John Cusack (and Joan) in “Gross Points Blank.”

    When you find a good uterus store, wouldya let me know, please? I don’t think I’m gonna like pre-menopause assuming that’s WTF is going on here. (TMI!)

    Reply
  10. Allie says

    January 29, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    Chile – I promise I’ll share the name of my uterus store when I find one.

    Reply

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Okay, fine. Her jacket is reversible and we kinda Okay, fine. Her jacket is reversible and we kinda match. I admit it. Alright? We all knew this was coming. None of this should be a surprise to any of us. #dailyroxydog #huskychihuahua #dogjacket #peoplewhomatchtheirdogs
Just a dog in a puffy jacket that matches her lawn Just a dog in a puffy jacket that matches her lawn chair. And she likes it! #dailyroxydog #chihuahuamix #ilovemydog
We are in the habit of starting and ending our day We are in the habit of starting and ending our days side by side in our lawn chairs, while the light rises or dims. It’s still chilly at the outer edges of the day. Sometimes Roxy shivers. I bought her a sweater, but she won’t wear it. Sometimes I try to wrap her in my jacket, but she’s not having that either, so I throw her ball and try to get her run and then she comes back to her chair, warm for a little longer. #dailyroxydog #huskychihuahua #dogssittinginchairs
“I got a secret I should tell. I’m going up to “I got a secret I should tell. I’m going up to heaven in a split pea shell.” ~ @petermulvey43 Words Too Small to Say
Happy as a dog in a freshly dug nap hole. #dailyro Happy as a dog in a freshly dug nap hole. #dailyroxydog #huskymixesofinstagram
I saw this little dresser at my favorite magic ant I saw this little dresser at my favorite magic antique store sometime in November and didn’t buy it. But then, of course, I kept thinking about her. She’s the perfect size for my office, and I found those drawer pulls hilarious. When I finally went back in December, I told myself I was shopping for wall art, because I assumed she would be gone. But she was right where I’d seen her last: balanced on another dresser with boxes of old picture frames and tchotchkes piled on top (the true mark of a magic antique store). I didn’t even realize she had a towel rack — that she was a wash stand, not a dresser — until I asked about the price, said I’d take her, and my favorite magic antique store person asked if we needed to unscrew the towel rack to fit her in my car. I suspect this little sweetie is not from the days of necessary wash stands so much as from a country kitchen in the 80s. She was in rough shape, and not made from wood worth stripping and re-staining, but her price reflected that. I had to disassemble that door and put it back together, but I’d been in the market for some experience working with old furniture, and she made me feel brave about trying. I thought about painting her something more neutral, but I’m so glad I didn’t. She deserves to be pink. She’s not perfectly painted and needs a few touch ups. I learned some things about chalk paint and finishes. The drawers stick a bit. Eventually, I’d like to line them with fabric and when I do, I might plane the edges to smooth things out. But goodness, I love her in a way that I wouldn’t if I hadn’t spent time cleaning away her cobwebs and scrubbing the grime from her hilarious drawer pulls. She’s also become a little shrine for the book I’m working on, which makes me love her even more. I’ve always been a person who sees some soul in certain things, and I’m learning to cherish that idiosyncrasy, because there’s so much joy to be found in a brave little toaster or an underdog wash stand. We’re not here in the world for all that long. We may as well love some bright little things. #furnituremakeover
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