MENUMENU
  • About
  • Buy
  • Press
  • Book Clubs
  • Writer Resources
  • Allie Larkin
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • g

Allison Larkin

Internationally Best-Selling Author

You are here: Home / books are awesome / I am a flawed character, and damn proud of it.

I am a flawed character, and damn proud of it.

December 30, 2009 Filed Under: books are awesome

Before the holiday, @DuttonBooks tweeted, “Why give a book? Because a scented candle never changed anyone’s life.”

Ever since then I’ve been thinking about the books that have changed my life. Huck Finn was the first real chapter book I ever read. I was so enamored by Of Mice and Men that I read it twice in one sitting. Travels with Charlie. Little Women. Anne of Green Gables. The Basil and Josephine Stories. Invisible Man. Song of the Lark. The Lords of Discipline. The Bean Trees. Where The Heart Is. Bridget Jones. If you’re a reader, you have your own list – the books you read under the covers with a flashlight because you couldn’t stop reading at bedtime, the books that made you cry in the break room at work when you tried to sneak in a few chapters in at lunch, the books you read so many times that the binding turned to pulp, the books that had characters you still think about years later.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius changed my life in the hugest way. I used to spend so much time and energy trying to appear like I had it all together all the time. Since I’m no where close to perfect, it was exhausting, and really hard on the ego to be in a constant state of failure.

But in AHWOSG, Dave Eggers admitted to being human on a very basic level. He admitted to failing. He admitted to being selfish sometimes. And he admitted to being weird. This was back before blogging was the norm, before people shared their daily foibles publicly. Through blogging, I think we have so much more insight into what other people think and feel now than we did even just ten years ago. I think we’re more open. I think we’re more approachable. Blogging has changed our culture and the way we talk about ourselves in amazing ways, but back then, for me at least, this book was revolutionary. I had never seen/heard/read anyone talking about themselves that way before.

I remember reading the scene where Dave is singing Journey in the car and he says he’s the greatest singer in the entire world, and I know it sounds silly, but it was like a lightbulb went on in my head – other people have moments of thinking they are way more awesome than they really are too. And as I kept reading, I had more little light bulb moments. Other people have bizarre elaborate daydreams. Other people concoct ridiculous expectations for situations in their head and are disappointed when they don’t happen even though they knew deep down there’s no way they ever would.

Reading that book gave me a big shove in the direction of celebrating my imagination, instead of doing everything I could to hide it. And I really needed that shove, because when you’re a daydreamy kid who constantly gets scolded during long division lessons for looking out the window and imagining there’s a castle in the school yard, or teased when you completely zone out in gym class, because wondering about the logistics of becoming a mermaid is way more interesting than dodging a smelly red rubber ball, you learn to stop telling people the details of your overactive imagination, and you learn that it’s important to put energy into pretending to be like everyone else (or the way you think everyone else is). And by the time you get to be an adult, you can start to see your creative thoughts as a liability instead of a talent.

Without that book, I’m not sure I’d be a writer now. And I’d probably be working on an ulcer or two from the stress of trying very hard to be the person I thought I was supposed to be instead of the person I am.

Because of that book, I took risks. Because of that book, I decided to take all the energy I put into trying to be perfect into learning to accept myself. I am flawed, and that’s part of what I love about myself. I make mistakes. I work hard. My socks don’t always match, and sometimes I still think about what it would be like to be a mermaid. I am clumsy and geeky and goofy and kind and smart and dreamy and conscientious and flaky and weird. I care too much and don’t always show it enough. I have fallen on my face both literally and figuratively, and I will again many times in the future. I learn from my mistakes, but sometimes I make the same ones again anyway. I will always try my best, and I always approach things with good intentions. I love to celebrate that crazy strange combination of things that makes us all human, and I love to sing Journey songs at the top of my lungs in my car, too (although Boston is better).

So, I very much agree with @DuttonBooks (and not just because they are my publisher). AHWOSG changed my life, but all a scented candle does is smell good. Sometimes.

What books have changed your life?

6 Comments

Comments

  1. courtney says

    December 30, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    Great post, Allie! I think we should all embrace our flaws — perfect people are boring. I will put AHWOSG on my to-read list right now.

    The Cider House Rules by John Irving is my favorite book. Nothing that happens in the book has ever happened to me, but still I found it relatable on so many levels.

    Reply
  2. Corinne Bowen says

    December 30, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    Lois Lowry’s The Giver changed my life and I still remember how I felt while reading it in middle school. I have to admit that I was also a big VC Andrews fan as a kid. I am always in awe when a book takes over my brain and my schedule because the only thing I want to do is get lost in that world. Most recently, authors like Stephenie Meyer, Charlaine Harris, Margaret Atwood, Suzanne Collins, and Diana Galbadon have hijacked my life.

    Reply
  3. GirlWithCurls says

    December 30, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    I want to be the first person on here to say Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. Aha! Beat you guys to it! ;-)

    Reply
  4. Noelle says

    December 31, 2009 at 4:17 am

    I wish I had a good answer for that, but I think every book I’ve read has changed me in some small way that is causing me to be sculpted into who I am.

    There is always Fahrenheit 451, which I’ve read a few times when I need a reminder about how important reading is.

    And Jane Eyre. She makes me want to take on the world.

    Reply
  5. The Modern Gal says

    December 31, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    That’ sounds like a great book. I’m with Noelle — I don’t have one book that has changed my life in a major way, but I’m in love with many books — One Hundred Years of Solitude, The Alchemist, Life of Pi. I’m finally reading Eat, Pray, Love and that’s making me want to explore the world and life a little bit more. Still, the collective effects of the many, many books I’ve read has been inspiring, especially in my own quest as a writer.

    Reply
  6. Lara says

    January 1, 2010 at 2:13 am

    Oh, so many books: so many lessons! Little Women holds a special place in my heart because it is the book I read when I was spending lazy days at my Gram’s house. Anything by James Baldwin makes the list these days, and I loved the Things They Carried. Kate Chopin’s The Awakening made me want to weep with recognition…oy – too many to name!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

  • Home
  • Allie Larkin
  • Blog
  • Book Clubs
  • Contact
  • Writer Resources

allielarkinwrites

We are in the habit of starting and ending our day We are in the habit of starting and ending our days side by side in our lawn chairs, while the light rises or dims. It’s still chilly at the outer edges of the day. Sometimes Roxy shivers. I bought her a sweater, but she won’t wear it. Sometimes I try to wrap her in my jacket, but she’s not having that either, so I throw her ball and try to get her run and then she comes back to her chair, warm for a little longer. #dailyroxydog #huskychihuahua #dogssittinginchairs
“I got a secret I should tell. I’m going up to “I got a secret I should tell. I’m going up to heaven in a split pea shell.” ~ @petermulvey43 Words Too Small to Say
Happy as a dog in a freshly dug nap hole. #dailyro Happy as a dog in a freshly dug nap hole. #dailyroxydog #huskymixesofinstagram
I saw this little dresser at my favorite magic ant I saw this little dresser at my favorite magic antique store sometime in November and didn’t buy it. But then, of course, I kept thinking about her. She’s the perfect size for my office, and I found those drawer pulls hilarious. When I finally went back in December, I told myself I was shopping for wall art, because I assumed she would be gone. But she was right where I’d seen her last: balanced on another dresser with boxes of old picture frames and tchotchkes piled on top (the true mark of a magic antique store). I didn’t even realize she had a towel rack — that she was a wash stand, not a dresser — until I asked about the price, said I’d take her, and my favorite magic antique store person asked if we needed to unscrew the towel rack to fit her in my car. I suspect this little sweetie is not from the days of necessary wash stands so much as from a country kitchen in the 80s. She was in rough shape, and not made from wood worth stripping and re-staining, but her price reflected that. I had to disassemble that door and put it back together, but I’d been in the market for some experience working with old furniture, and she made me feel brave about trying. I thought about painting her something more neutral, but I’m so glad I didn’t. She deserves to be pink. She’s not perfectly painted and needs a few touch ups. I learned some things about chalk paint and finishes. The drawers stick a bit. Eventually, I’d like to line them with fabric and when I do, I might plane the edges to smooth things out. But goodness, I love her in a way that I wouldn’t if I hadn’t spent time cleaning away her cobwebs and scrubbing the grime from her hilarious drawer pulls. She’s also become a little shrine for the book I’m working on, which makes me love her even more. I’ve always been a person who sees some soul in certain things, and I’m learning to cherish that idiosyncrasy, because there’s so much joy to be found in a brave little toaster or an underdog wash stand. We’re not here in the world for all that long. We may as well love some bright little things. #furnituremakeover
After Roxy started stealing my seat, I dragged a s After Roxy started stealing my seat, I dragged a second lawn chair out. She nudges me over and we sit in our chairs, side by side, and watch the sun set. Well, I watch the sun set. She spies on the neighbors. #dailyroxydog #dogstagram #sundayevening
I truly don’t understand how anyone is this cute I truly don’t understand how anyone is this cute. I never get used to it. There’s no immunity. She’s adorable beyond what pictures can capture. #dailyroxydog #huskymixesofinstagram #ilovemydog
Load More... Follow on Instagram

© Allison Larkin | Site by Little Leaf Design