Who Are All These Buttless Women?

The other day, The Modern Gal talked about avoiding the new Gap jeans because they have pocket flaps and she has some junk in her trunk she doesn’t feel like accentuating. My immediate thought was, “damn, guess I can’t get new jeans at Gap anytime soon,” because my trunk is also not without some junk.

Even when I used to run seven miles a day and was in the absolute best shape of my life (something I’m working to get back to/surpass), my derriere was the most pronounced feature of my figure, and I had a horrible time finding jeans. And I don’t think my shape is unusual. I think I am the prime example of average. So why isn’t anyone making clothes for me?

Yesterday, after trying on 16 pairs of jeans, (a task I equate to torture), I came up with nothing. I want a pair of classy, grown-up jeans, to pair with a crisp shirt or a chunky sweater, so I can shake my overgrown skateboard-chic style and dress more age appropriately, but in order to find a pair that doesn’t gap at the waist and squeeze my rear up to my hips, I end up with super super low rise jeans that don’t have any sort of waist what-so-ever, and the second they stretch, they start heading south. There’s nothing classy about perpetual plumbers butt. There’s also nothing nice about jeans with pockets that are so far apart it looks like my butt is headed in two very different directions at the same time.

And I’m a size 8/9. If trying on jeans is making me feel awful, what about women who wear a 12 or 14 or 16 or 18? They can’t be having an easy time of it either. We don’t all come in one size! Don’t we all deserve the chance to feel good about ourselves and look good in our clothes? Haven’t we gotten past the point where looking like a stick figure is our ideal? I just want to be healthy and fit. Why isn’t that well accommodated in the clothing industry?

When I came out of the dressing room to return my stack of ill-fitting jeans to the rack, I surveyed the store. With the exception of one woman who looked like a super model and didn’t have a butt, hips, thighs, boobs, or anything that jiggled anywhere, every other women in the store had something in stock in the trunk department. So why are clothing companies making jeans for the buttless women, and leaving the rest of us to walk around with plumbers butt, or massive gaps at the waist band, or jeans that push body parts to places they don’t belong? If I didn’t get so horribly frustrated every time I try on clothes, I might actually buy some. Accommodating butts seems like good business sense to me.

Suggestions on where to shop are very very very welcome.


  1. I have a really difficult time too with jeans. Until eight years ago, I was a 5’9″ girl who wore size 3/4 jeans from Express or 30″x34″ Levi’s.

    Then, womanhood kicked in, and my booty filled out. A good friend recently said “You’ve got some junk in the trunk for a white girl!”. Ever since, jeans have been my biggest nightmare.

    I’ve done the GAP jeans, ended up with perpetual plumber butt, donated them, and now I’m jeansless. I’ve seen the “no-gap waistband” advertised for Lee Jeans, but haven’t tried them.

    I just want to have normal chic jeans without looking like a middle-aged mommy.


    Butts, it would seem, would make for great business, as MOST women actually HAVE butts and thighs!

  2. I HATE shopping for clothes. Because I’m short I always have trouble with pants. Jeans are the worst. My most major problem: they go right up my crotch. That is so not comfortable. Who wants to spend the day pulling their pants out of their “you know what”?? People give funny looks when you do that. :) I have no idea who makes these clothes or who they think they’re making them for. WHEN I find a pair of jeans I like, I buy several pairs and then I wear them until they fall apart.

    ~I dream of Jeans that fit~

  3. If it makes you feel better, I’ve often wished I had more junk in my trunk. I have pancake ass, and nobody likes that.

    But yeah – buying pants is a nightmare for everyone whos’ not a model, I think. My problem is length. If they fit in the waist, they’re too short (and I’ll never understand why — I have super short legs and they’re still short on me! Who are they making those pants for?!) If they’re the right length, they’re too big in the waist. Sigh.

  4. Sadly, the only jeans I’ve had that fit perfectly were the Lucky jeans I got on some amazing sale and the Tommy Hilfiger H jeans I got on a huge discount because I worked on his reality show. (yeah.)

    But these days, I can’t afford the high-end jeans, which fit around my butt so nicely, and I’m dreading going back to the store to find something else.

  5. Just say no to crack.

  6. I have a tough time with jeans too!! WHO are they making jeans for!!!! I have a kind friend who gave me some jeans from Gordman’s that fit pretty well. I am sure though that when I go to buy some of my own they won’t fit. *sigh*

  7. You hit the nail on the head. There was a reason I stuck with Gap — the curvy cut jeans worked perfectly for people like you and I — a smaller waist to keep them up with more room in the butt. And they were very simple looking, no bells and whistles that made me look like I was trying to dress like a teeny-bopper.

    When I started my weight loss journey, I was at the high end of 12 and finding an additional problem — gals who are 5-foot-3 are NOT supposed to be size 12/13, so I not only needed a special curvy cut, I needed petite too.

    Sigh. I’m going to resume mission: jeans tomorrow. I’ll let you know what I find.

    (My mom recommended Eddie Bauer. They have a cut that’s sort of curvy-style. I just happen to be in between their sizes right now)

  8. Sorry to intrude on an issue few men have experience with, but Land’s End used to carry jeans sized for women over the age of 14.

  9. Hi. Delurking…

    Jean shopping is worse than that yearly annual exam. Ok, maybe not.
    My only advice is find a good seamstress, buy jeans you like and have them altered. Fancy-schmancy stores like Saks will alter for free.

  10. That’s my style…I love skateboard chic, but feel maybe thirty is the age to start growing out of it. (sigh) I do love a good thermal with skulls all over it though.

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